For most parents, many of their fondest memories of their kids are of birthday parties, holiday programs, school plays, dance recitals and the like. Little ones playing, singing and dancing while those gathered around cheer and clap.
For others, specifically families with children who have sensory processing issues, these happy events can sometimes be anything but.
The Sensory Struggle Was Real
A few years ago when our oldest daughter was between the ages of 3 and 5, she had an extreme aversion to clapping and cheering. Now, my idea of “extreme” is mild compared to what some parents experience, but for our family it is was extreme.
During one Christmas show in preschool, she spent the entire show hiding inside a toy kitchen.
Dance recitals, movies and birthday parties were all left early to avoid the inevitable clapping at the end. Being present for entire school holiday programs simply was not an option.
If we did not leave whatever we attending in time, the screaming and crying would begin. At one of her own birthday parties, after all her friends finished singing “Happy Birthday”, they clapped.
Bad move – she grabbed handfuls of cake and started throwing.
There was always a fine line between having fun and good memories and throwing fits and overstaying our welcome.
What to Do?
As first-time parents, we struggled with what to do. As a family, we were missing out on the sort of memories that other parents took for granted. We also wanted her to be able to bond with her friends and participate in all of these wonderful events, but they never ended well.
And so, for her sake, ours, as well as that of the other parents, we would leave before things went south.
We assumed this was just the “Terrible 2’s”. Which then became the “Terrible 3’s”. Those stretched into the “Fearsome 4’s”. You get the point.
This was our first child. We had not been to see an occupational therapist. We were only beginning to learn about sensory processing issues, what they were and how they impacted young kids.
Though we had heard of other parents using medication for extreme situations, we were not ready to go there.
We assumed it was a “phase” or just a “thing” and she would grow out of it. We had seen glimpses, however fleeting and rare, of just that.
A Different Approach
Not long ago, we were going to a Thanksgiving performance at our daughter’s preschool. The anxiety was ramping up for my wife and I as we pulled into the parking lot. Knowing that there was likely to be a massive fit in just a while was already beginning to erode the fun and excitement.
But we had decided to try something different in an attempt to gain some measure of “normalcy”. It was a risk, and we had no idea if it would work, but we gave it a shot.
We used a placebo – fake medicine that we told her would help her. We took an empty pill bottle, put in some Skittles, and I created a label for the bottle. And so was created “Anticlapisil”.
We gave our daughter one “pill” before we got out of the car and told her they were really strong. She was skeptical and said it tasted like candy. We feared the charade was over, but we told her that was only to make the medicine taste better.
Halfway through the show, my daughter asked for another “pill”. I told her one was enough, reinforcing the idea that it was very strong medicine.
As the show approached the end, my wife and I were on pins and needles. It was time for flight-or-fight. Then, my daughter turned and looked at us from her seat up front… and smiled.
Family Breakthrough
We made it through that entire show without incident. After the show, we were so relieved that, while talking with the school head who knew the struggle we had endured, my wife and I actually choked up.
We started taking “Anticlapisil” with us everywhere, and “administered” one pill if there was going to be cheering or clapping. Finally, we were able to see an entire movie, show or stay at birthday parties for cake and singing.
Eventually, we no longer needed the “Anticlapisil”. My daughter moved on to do sports, musical theater, choir and many other activities that meant being in front of an audience or crowd. Now, she loves the applause and cheering.
Clearly, I’m not a doctor. I know we were lucky that this actually did the trick. What worked for us will obviously not work for everyone and every situation. This is not intended to be taken as medical advice, just an example of how one family dealt with their issue.
Maybe it will show that other families may be going through the same thing as you. And perhaps it’s a provide a glimmer of hope that things are not as bad as you might think.
However, for us, this simple little solution ended up making a pretty huge difference in our lives.
I hear “Shirttagisgone” is also effective for scratchy tag relief.